Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
