Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
