KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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