You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
there is glitter all over my balls
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
