Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
