so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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