There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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