so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I cockslap morals
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
