I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
