Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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