so let's talk penis.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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