Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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