Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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