i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
