so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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