Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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