Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
