She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
