oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I DEMAND FORESKIN
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
