Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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