I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
