Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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