Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize