Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
