I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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