my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
