I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
