this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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