Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just had sex on a roof
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
