just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
