There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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