i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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