I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish i was in the wii world.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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