Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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