so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
