i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
