i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
