Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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