I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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