i don't plan on having that self control this summer
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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