i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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