I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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