I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
