My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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