Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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