Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
