508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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