Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
