i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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