I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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