Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
