just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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