from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
