the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
