I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
