If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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