Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
