rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
