Welp...herpes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
