so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
