Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
