D3 body, D1 cock
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
