Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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