are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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