dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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