Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
