worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
a search helicopter?!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
