carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
