I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
