K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
