the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
