Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
