I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
