woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is the high leading the old right now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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