i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
