just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
