dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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