I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
