I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
