I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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