i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
