Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
