that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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