I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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